5 Things You Should Never Do After An Argument

Photo by Aiony Haust on Unsplash

Arguments are inevitable. 

Arguments can occur in any type of relationship, be it with your parents, friends, co-workers, or romantic partner.

How you react to and resolve arguments largely affects the dynamics of the relationship.

Arguing leaves us feeling overwhelmed and agitated. It's important to take some time to de-escalate things and cool off.

Avoid doing the following things when you're trying to regulate your emotions after an argument. 

1. Hold grudges.

Holding grudges after an argument leads to more suffering and negatively affects your relationship.

Often, holding grudges is easier than forgiving the other person.

However, holding grudges will escalate the tension and make things worse. It will build resentment in the long run.

So, don't hold grudges or act in petty ways. Try to look beyond the flaws and negative attitude of the other person. Make the first move toward resolution.

By apologizing first, you let the other person know you're admitting your wrongs and moving past the conflict.

An apology creates space for a working discussion to resolve the issues that led to the conflict.

Apologizing doesn't make you weak. If anything, it shows you have humility and the maturity to speak the truth and own up to your behavior. It shows that you are ready to help the other person make the relationship stronger.

It will encourage the other person to do the same.

2. Replay the argument in your head.

People are not themselves when they are angry.

They do things that are out of character.

A lot of unpleasant things are said during arguments that feel hurtful and make you sad. It can be hard to get over the things said in the heat of the moment.

Constantly ruminating about what the other person has said only makes the situation seem worse.

By focusing too much on unpleasant things said to you, you subject yourself to emotional pain again and again. This in turn causes your body to become tense and uncomfortable.

Free your mind from those comments. Avoid replaying the arguments in your head or imagining different things you could say to prove your point. Just let go.

Give yourself time to cool off. Don't engage in negative thinking.

3. Bring up old arguments.

Many people tend to bring up old arguments to get back at the other person. However, bringing up the past doesn't help the situation in any way at all.

Your goal is to resolve the argument instead of prolonging it. When you bring up past arguments, it shows that you haven't actually forgiven the other person for their past mistakes and that you are incapable of moving on.

4. Make big decisions.

When you are in a negative state of mind, your ability to make rational decisions is hampered. It's better if you don't make any important decisions right after a big argument.

Wait until you are in a better mood.

When you're angry or upset, you're only thinking about what hurts you.

In such a state, you are only able to think through the filter of your emotions. This is not an ideal time to make decisions. You are not in a position to weigh your options or exercise good judgment. You don't have clarity in your mind.

When your emotions are running high, you are more likely to make impulsive and irrational choices, which you'll later regret.

5. Jump to conclusions.

Having an intense argument doesn't automatically mean that the relationship is doomed.

We tend to assess the entire situation by exaggerating whatever is said in the heat of the moment. Those hurtful things may make you wonder if the relationship is going to end.

When we are angry, the tendency to overreact to the smallest things is higher. As a result, we quickly assume the worst-case scenario.

You can't truly know what the other person wanted to convey by only considering the things said during the argument. 

Avoid jumping to conclusion that the other person hates you based on the things said during the argument.

Give the other person some space and also spend some time alone to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Don't overthink anything. Take a few deep breaths and relax for a while.

Whenever you are both ready, communicate honestly and try to sort things out calmly.

What else should be avoided after an argument? What can a person do to help themselves calm down?

Share your thoughts with me in the comments below.


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