3 Things To Remember When You Want To Change People

3 Things To Remember When You Want To Change People

Photo by Ben Duchac on Unsplash
We often wish to change people when they don't behave the way we expect. We think that if they changed and corrected their flaws, they would be happier.

And, as a result, we would feel more comfortable around them. Somehow we assume that we know what's best for them and expect them to do what we say.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just tell them what we think they should do, and they would actually change?

As you might have already figured out, it doesn't really work that way.

Although it's admirable that you want someone to make positive changes in life, getting someone to make lasting changes is not exactly a simple process.

Consider these 3 things when you wish to change another person in your life.

1. You can't control anyone else.

You can only control your reaction to different situations in life. When you feel bothered by other people's behavior, you need to change your own response towards it. 

Realize that the way you feel has nothing to do with them. It's always about how you perceive it. Otherwise, you will always end up being frustrated due to not being able to control their behavior.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Don't waste your time waiting for other people to change their behavior so you can be happier.

People won't change unless they decide for themselves. They won't make any changes in their lives if they don't see the need for it. If you try to confront them, they will resist change, and it will negatively affect your relationship with them.

You need to let them experience the consequences of their actions and learn from it. If they don't have the drive to make a positive change in their life, nothing you say will change their mind.

2. Everyone has something unique to offer.

See the good in people. Don't focus so much on the negative characteristics of people. When you feel bothered by someone's behavior, actively try to think about all the good qualities of this person.

When you are so focused on changing someone else, you lose the opportunity to embrace their uniqueness. It prevents you from nurturing your relationship with them.

However, when you appreciate them for who they are and encourage their positive behavior rather than merely pointing out their flaws, you become able to help them in a better way. 

3. People approach things differently.

The person you are trying to change may have a different mindset and a different approach to life. Their experiences and upbringing have made them the way they are now.

You can't expect that someone else's beliefs, values, and perspectives would be the same as yours. What works for you may not work for someone else.

We often form judgments about other people without knowing the whole story. This negatively affects the way we interact with other people and prevents us from really connecting with them. 

Let go of these judgments and expectations and look at people in a different light.

Although you cannot force someone to change, you can support them when they do decide to change. 
If they ask for your help, you can share your ideas and positively influence them. 

What do you think? 

Have you ever tried to change someone else? Were you successful in this endeavor?

Share your experiences with me in the comments below.

And, if you liked this article, don't forget to share it with others.


  1. Hi Jigeesha! I hope you are doing well! So true, we learn through our actions, mistakes, and trial and error, not necessarily when someone else is pointing out our flaws. I love the advice from number 2! And I’m constantly reminding myself that I am responsible for my own happiness! Great post! Oh, and I do miss Google Plus! :)

    1. I'm fine thank you! I hope things are also going well for you. I'm so glad you liked this article. Thank you.:) And yeah, if it weren't for Google Plus, we probably never would have come across each other! It's crazy to think about, haha.

    2. Yep!! I always enjoy your posts, you always give good, practical advice. You are able to see things from an objective viewpoint. I think you would be a good counselor! :) You definitely are, on your blog!

    3. Thank you so much, Rebecca. I truly appreciate your kind words. Your comment made my day!

  2. Good post. I appreciated what you had to say and the wisdom of it. As a counselor by profession, seeing a situation through the world view of a client is essential in helping to build the working relationship. Change typically happens when there is precontemplation, contemplation, determination, action, and maintenance.

    1. Thank you so much for your insightful comment!


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