When Your Parents Say No To Everything

when your parents say no to everything
Photo by Mitch Lensink on Unsplash
“I’m sorry I can’t come, my mom said No.”
“Oh, I can’t stay longer. I have to get back home by 7.”
“I can’t wear that, my parents won’t allow me.”
“I can’t make the trip, my parents didn’t give me permission.”
“I can’t even think of getting a tattoo, my mom would kill me.”

If you tend to use these expressions very often, I feel you. Growing up with strict parents is no picnic. You have to follow all kinds of weird rules and live by curfews. You don’t get to do just anything you feel like. Convincing your parents to let you do what you want, is a major task to accomplish.

You spend a good amount of time building up the courage to ask them. You practice the whole scenario in your head. But despite all the preparation, you get only one syllable answer NO

You get to the point where you don’t even bother asking them for permission because you already know the answer. No. Nah. Nope. Never. No way. You feel frustrated. You always already know that they won’t allow you, so you lower your expectations beforehand, but they still say no. You just can’t figure out why they don’t understand your wishes. You envy your friends because their parents are so cool with whatever they do.

You get upset because you listen to everything they say, don’t get into any trouble, be all good and yet you don’t get to do what you want. You feel like your efforts are not being suitably acknowledged by your parents. 

And it’s not like you ask permission for something too reckless or extravagant. You just want to fit in, do what others are doing. You feel embarrassed in front of your friends as you always have to make excuses for not joining them. You think your parents don’t trust you enough.

Why do they say no?
They are apprehensive about the people around you and worried about bad influences. You’ll always be a kid to them, no matter how old you get. They just want the best for you. 

It can be hard for them to accept the fact that you are growing so fast and you want to live independently and do things without them. You are the most important person to them, and so they just want to keep you under their shield for as long as they can.

I understand it is hard to convince them to let you do whatever you want. I understand that you may feel that the way they are showing their love and care by restricting you from doing things that are considered completely normal, is really unfair.

You just wish they were a bit more understanding and accommodating.

What can you do?
When your parents are being stubborn, you need to be calm, as being headstrong in return won’t help at all. Whatever you do, don’t get angry or yell at them. Nobody likes to be yelled at, and even if you disagree with your parents, you should not disrespect them. If you shout and throw tantrums, it will cause them to shut their minds, and no matter whatever you say, they will not be convinced. 

Instead, try to act more sensibly. 
E.g., if you are upset about not getting permission to go to a party, remember that there will be a lot more parties to attend in the future, but hurting your parents just to go to a party isn’t worth it. You won’t even feel like partying when you go out after fighting with your parents.

So don’t yell at them or say mean things. You will regret it later. It tenses you as well as your parents. Try to be as calm as possible. Clearly, ask them why they’re saying no and then explain your point of view. If they are worried about bad influence, try getting a good friend to talk to them. 

Reassure them that you are in a good company and you can properly distinguish between right and wrong. Keep talking calmly and you will eventually be able to get them to listen to you. Try to convince your parents as rationally as you can. 

I know how stubborn parents can get. But you need to keep trying to meet them halfway. Even if they say no to a particular thing, they will say yes to other things. Don’t get mad when they don’t agree to your requests every time.

Trust me when I say it will get better, as I have been through it- 

My parents were really strict. They never allowed me to go out. I used to be really angry at them because they didn’t give me the kind of freedom my friends enjoyed, but eventually, I learned to be more rational. I talked to them calmly even when they said no to me repeatedly. I soundly explained them my perspective, my viewpoints and how their constant refusal of my wishes affected me. 

Although it didn’t completely transform them and they didn’t just agree to everything I asked for, they did soften up. The number of times they said ‘No’ to me definitely decreased. Let’s say if I asked for permission to go out with my friends on 10 occasions, they allowed me 5 times. 

Initially, I used to feel bad when they didn’t allow me to go out as much as I wanted, but I was happier and enjoyed the time with my friends when they willingly allowed me.

So keep trying to convince your parents calmly and I’m sure they will listen. It is a much better alternative than constantly fighting with your parents and complaining about how unfair they are being to you.

You may feel that your parents are being overprotective and lucky are those kids whose parents let them do whatever they want to, but in reality, those kids may consider you lucky for having parents who care so much about you. There are kids who feel completely neglected by their parents and constantly crave for their attention.

We always tend to think that other people have it better than us. But, the truth is that we are all just equally struggling with the imperfections in life, just the forms are different.

Don’t be so quick to hate your parents when they say no to you. You have to help them understand your changing attitude and perceptions.

So, how do you deal with your parents when they say 'NO' to you? 

Feel free to share your story in the comments below. 

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  1. Really it is very depressive. Who likes all time listening no. sometimes I became frustrated. I felt envy when I show my friends parents. I also want to enjoy my life in my style. I know they say no for our well. Your idea is not bad. I think I need to follow this and it will be helpful. Thanks a lot for sharing this article.

    1. I completely understand your situation. It's really hard to convince super stubborn parents, it feels really frustrating, especially when you compare them with your friends' 'cool' parents. But believe me, they will calm down and listen to you eventually, just don't disrespect them; they will get more agitated. Have patience!
      And Good luck. I really hope your parents become lenient towards you. I'm happy I'm able to help you in a little way. :)

  2. well my grandparents have soo many rules on that i am HATING right now is absoulutely no makeup until 16 ahhhh it makes me wanna die!

    1. I'd suggest calmly explaining to them how their rules are affecting your emotional wellbeing. And let them know you acknowledge their concerns, but resist the urge to blame them. I know it's cliche, but try to work with whatever you have. If you are not allowed to wear makeup, focus more on your skincare. It will definitely pay off when you grow older.

    2. I’m 17 and my mom is so quick to say no for me going out with my friends

  3. my parents say no to everthing

  4. Replies
    1. It’s so horrible, my mom always is saying no, you don’t need this, you don’t need that, you don’t need to go do that, just be thankful for what you have. It’s so frustrating! Even small things, like mechanic pencils and Kinetic Sand, or just going to see a friend, no, no, no, no, and no. Everyone around me has phones and iPads and cool things, and I have nothing but a school iPad with restrictions so I can’t do anything but school. I totally sympathize and understand anyone with strict parents.

    2. Oh I get you! But atleast it helps a little to know that there are other kids who also go through this. We can help each other and share tips to deal with strict parents. It will get better! Take care:)

  5. As for me, I really want to sleep over at my friends' place but I'm scared that my parents would say 'no' because last time I tried asking her to sleep over, she said 'no'. I feel like she doesn't trust me enough, it's not like I'm going to do something wrong by sleeping over at me friends place. It's really frustrating! I have to think 100 times before asking my parents anything and when I build up my courage to ask them , they would still say 'no'. I really don't know how to convince them. I feel so suffocated!

    1. It's possible they may not be sure or feel comfortable with the situation you may be staying in. Help your parents get a good understanding of who will be there. Put their fear at ease. Most importantly, no matter which strategy you use, make sure you remain polite. Like I said, nobody wants to be yelled at, and fighting will likely make things worse. Please don't lose your patience or become bitter. I really hope they agree! Good luck:)

  6. My parents never let me take anything, from a video game to a food item, my friends have everything like phones, but I just ask for some games on my mom's phone, I tried everything but nothing worked, I am actually starting to get depressed, and fo not want anything anymore, pls tell me something else that would work.

    1. I know how frustrating it can be! Try to convince them by your actions. Start doing small things around the house, and carrying yourself more maturely. Show them that you are responsible for your choices. Also, ask for their opinion. What's bothering them? See if you can offer any solutions. Give it some time. Although they won't just suddenly start agreeing to all your wishes, but they will try to reach a common ground. Have patience, they will surely come around. It will get better:)

  7. My mom says no to everything. She doesn't allow me to watch tv, doesn't allow me to use a phone until I'm 18, doesn't allow me to go out with my friends unless she comes with me and that embarrassing, doesn't allow me to play which sports I want she makes me play basketball when I hate basketball and love table tennis, there are many more...... What do I do?
    Btw im13 going on 14

    1. First off, you have to remain patient. It will take some time for your mom to soften up. Try to improve your relationship with her. Get her to understand your point of view and avoid blaming her. And it goes without saying, stay calm. Be respectful. Try to find out her exact concerns and assure her you'll make responsible choices. Things will change for the better. It always does. You got this!

  8. Well as for me, I've been conducting an academic research with my co-team mates in school. Since we should explore things and conduct meet ups to start the research, I am always put in difficult situations where my parents always say no for me to go there and do that. I am really frustrated because this is not just a party where I get to attend more in the future. This is a research where I should put my time and effort because unlike parties I cannot bare to conduct another research again.

    1. I feel you! That must be unbelievably frustrating! What reason do they give you for saying no? Have you tried getting one of your team mates or research supervisor to talk to your parents? Maybe you can negotiate the amount of time you'll be there. Try
      to find a middle ground. Whatever you do, avoid arguing. You can be firm and stand your ground, without blaming them.

  9. Hang in there! Many of us have gone through the same thing. You have to keep trying to get her to see your perspective. Be patient and kind. It will get better soon!


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