5 Things That Happened After I Stopped Being a People Pleaser

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
The struggle for being well-liked and being accepted is real. 

Everybody has a desire to be well-liked, but some people have it more than others. Many of us have such people pleasing habits. And it is never a one-time affair. If you do someone a favor, they keep coming back to you asking for more favors. And you keep doing those favors assuming that if you stop abruptly, they will think badly of you. 

Well, in reality, they don’t think that highly of you now anyway. I know, it feels bad. But it’s true. 
Most of the people you say ‘yes’ to, just use you for their selfish motives without actually being considerate towards you. 

People pleasers are the ones that have low self-esteem issues. They try to gain self-confidence by doing stuff for others so that they can get some appreciation, which they think, will make them feel worthy. 

You always tend to please people because you think everybody else is better than you. You keep looking for validation and constantly trying to be in everybody’s good books becomes a way to be this lovable person. 

If you keep waiting for other people to make you happy and give a reason to feel confident and worthy, you will always look outside for that happiness that you can create for yourself. Give yourself the love and acceptance that you expect from other people. 

We all know that helping others is a very kind thing to do. Some people are genuinely nice and you would want to help them by yourself because they never blatantly ask you for favors. But some people are just plain greedy. And the worst thing, you let them be greedy and you let them exploit you.

“We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.” Dave Ramsey

So true.
I was a people pleaser. I used to say yes to everyone, even if I wasn’t entirely comfortable with doing that particular thing. The way I used to worry about what others thought about me; it was appalling! I didn’t even like the people I was trying to please. But I wanted them to like me. I put their needs before mine. So obviously, I got disappointed when they didn’t reciprocate in the same way.

Fortunately, I realized that I didn’t actually have to do those favors to feel worthy and competent. I could have achieved that confidence by solely focusing on myself. Gradually, I set stronger boundaries and became more assertive.

Here’s what happened when I quit being a people pleaser:

1. I focused better on my own business. 

I focused on the things that were important to me. I didn’t go out of my way to help others. I focused on my own work first. I did what I had to do for myself. 

All my time, energy and efforts were only focused on my work, and I became even more passionate about committing to it. I became more assertive. 

I invested more time in learning about my strengths and using them to be more productive. I put my energy in areas that were going to make me truly happy.

2. I didn’t worry about anybody else’s approval. 

When I took on other people’s work, which was, in fact, a favor I was doing to them, I would worry whether they liked or approved the thing that I did as a favor. 

This desire for getting constant approval from others is an utterly dreadful habit. I used to feel guilty for saying no to other people, but eventually, I understood that I don’t owe anything to them. 

I didn’t need their validation. I didn’t need to go after others to be liked and respected.

3. I saved a lot of time. 

When I’m not out there doing random favors for others, I have more time on my hands. 

When I stopped accepting unnecessary favors from others, I saved an incredible amount of time which I could use for my productivity or simply do nothing. 

Whatever. 

It was my time and I didn’t want to waste my time on the unnecessary things that were not even worth anything.

4. I got rid of needy and fake people. 

Some people just pretended to be nice to me or pretended to be my friend just because they wanted something in return. These people used me. I used to be nice to such people, even if they were just using me. 

This people pleasing attitude clouded my judgment. I couldn’t see that this ‘thing’ I was doing wasn’t helping me in any way. I couldn’t explore my full potential as all my positive energy was being sucked by these fake people. 

When I distanced myself from them, I was liberated. I wasn’t a puppet anymore. I realized I didn’t have to be so nice to them this whole time.

5. I became a little selfish. (Which was a good thing). 

I learned to put myself first. So long after being at service for other people, thinking about myself first was a refreshing and a much-needed change. I became the most important person for myself. 

Making this change was not exactly an easy process. Initially, I used to think that other people might hate me or I might become a bad and self-centered person, but I convinced myself that this change is for my own benefit. 

And eventually, I figured that things didn’t turn out to be as bad as I was making them be. Nobody actually hated me, they just went along minding their own business when I refused to do them any more favors. 

It can take a while to completely get rid of this habit, but once you get out of the loop of people pleasing, you become better at setting your priorities right and just becoming an overall confident person. Ascertaining your self-worth doesn’t have to be as difficult as you might think.
If I can do it, so can you.

So get out of the people-pleasing train now and become a happier person.

Are you a recovered people pleaser? What is your story? 

Share with me in the comments below.

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